


remember what you told me

by lotts (LottieAnna)



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Getting Together, Las Vegas, M/M, New Year's Eve, Non-Linear Narrative, Pining, ish?, this was meant to be cute and fluffy and it got a liiiittle sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 00:58:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13224867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LottieAnna/pseuds/lotts
Summary: “You guys can’t get married,” Mo said.“You’re not the boss of us,” Auston said, frowning. “We’re grown-ups, we can do what we want.”





	remember what you told me

**Author's Note:**

> hi please don't read this if you or someone you know is mentioned in this or in the tags! this is fake!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> happy 2018, have some pining auston matthews! like, seriously, lots of pining auston matthews. cw for alcohol use, title comes from katy perry.

When Auston wakes up, it’s 2018, he’s hungover as fuck, and Mitch is standing at the foot of his bed. 

“What the fuck,” he says, jerking awake. 

“Hi,” Mitch says, then holds out a cup to Auston. “Coffee?” 

Auston sits up, rubs his eyes. “Sure,” he says, and Mitch wordlessly places the cup on the hotel nightstand, then sits on the other bed, facing Auston. His hands are stuffed in the kangaroo pocket of his sweatshirt, but Auston can see him fidgeting through the fabric. 

“So, do you remember last night?” Mitch says. 

Honestly, Auston’s head hurts so much he barely even remembers his own name. “Uh, we went out with the guys? I remember counting down.” 

“And after that?” Mitch says. 

Auston’s head hurts even more when he tries to think harder about that. “Give me a second to wake up before you make my brain work.” 

“Sorry,” Mitch says, fast, and then he turns kind of red. “Sorry, I just–” he cuts himself off, and that’s when Auston realizes, probably belatedly, that Mitch has probably been waiting for him to get up so they can, like, talk about shit. 

Auston’s stomach does something strange, and for a second he thinks it’s nausea, but it’s just nerves, he’s pretty sure. “Dude, did something… happen?” 

Mitch’s eyes go wide. “I mean, we didn’t–” he turns bright red, and Auston realizes what it sounds like he was asking, and, like, that wasn’t what he meant, but now he’s thinking about that, and Mitch, and he’s very hungover and not at all equipped to deal with that line of thought. 

“No, that’s not what I – like, I wouldn’t–” he doesn’t know how to finish that sentence, because he wants to say,  _ I definitely wouldn’t have forgotten about that,  _ but he’s pretty sure if he doesn’t say anything, it’ll come across as  _ I wouldn’t sleep with you,  _ which isn’t really what he’s trying to say. “I mean, there was lots of alcohol – I just meant that you, uh, seem like you want to talk about something.” 

“I do,” Mitch says. “It can wait until later, though.” 

“But it happened last night?” Auston asks. 

“It was – do you seriously not remember?” Mitch asks. 

Auston furrows his brow. He begins to trace his memories last night, starting right before midnight. He remembers hugging Mitch when the year turned, even though they weren’t standing next to each other during the countdown, but they’d pushed through the crowd to find each other, and Auston would be embarrassed about that, maybe, except it hadn’t just been him, and he remembers being super fucking happy that Mitch had wanted to find him too. 

“Was it after we went back inside?” Auston says. 

“Yeah,” Mitch says. “I, uh – well,  my shoe came untied.” 

Auston doesn’t know why that’s relevant, but he does remember Mitch bending down to fix it, then taking a second to get up, resting his hands on his knee, and then– 

Willy, slurring, Auston tearing his eyes away from Mitch’s knuckles to look at him as he asked, “Marns, are you, like, proposing?” 

Auston had blushed, but then he’d looked down at Marns, who was looking up at him, and he wasn’t quite smiling, but his eyes were all shiny, the beginnings of a grin starting to grow on the corner of his lips. 

“Oh my god,” Auston says, because now he remembers everything, in clear, humiliating detail. 

 

Auston spends the rest of the morning avoiding Mitch, which is hard, because they’re sharing a room, but he spends five minutes dry heaving in the bathroom, then takes an extra long shower, and when he comes out, Mitch tries to talk to him again, and Auston feels so bad, but he just – he can’t handle this right now, not when he can’t go five seconds without visibly wincing as memories from last night come back. 

He probably hasn’t been that messy-drunk since he won the fucking Calder, and, like, it’s Vegas, but also, he should have some semblance of self-control. And he usually does, but it was New Years, and Mitch had wanted to do shots, and before he knew it, he was tripping over himself and shouting “Happy New Year” half a beat too early because he was too sloshed to actually know if he was counting too fast or too slow. 

“We’re getting married,” he’d announced to Mo and Freddie, throwing an arm over Mitch’s shoulders, and Mitch had wrapped a hand around Auston’s waist in response. 

“You’re getting married,” Freddie had repeated, dryly, but Mo’s eyes had gone wide. 

“No, you’re not,” Mo had said, shaking his head. 

Mitch smiled. “Yes we are.” 

“No, that wasn’t – you guys can’t get married,” Mo said. 

“You’re not the boss of us,” Auston said, frowning. “We’re grown-ups, we can do what we want.”

“Did you mean adults?” Freddie said 

“Yeah, those things,” Mitch said, waving him off. “The point is, we can get married, we don’t need your permission.”  

“No, but you have families,” Mo said. 

“My parents love Marns,” Auston said. “Everyone loves Marns. I love Marns.”

“Aw,” Mitch said, then leaned into Auston’s side a little more, and they’d both kind of toppled. 

“We all love both of you, but that doesn’t mean we want you to get married,” Mo said patiently. “What would Babs say? Or your agents?” 

“They can deal with it,” Auston said. 

“Alright, I’m calling in reinforcements,” Mo said, then nodded to Freddie as he took out his own phone. 

“What are you guys doing?” Auston asked. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Freddie said, and Auston frowned. 

“Are you texting about us?” Mitch demanded. “What, you’re – you’re telling on us, or whatever?”

“No, we’re just letting people know about your plan,” Mo said. 

“Why?” Mitch asked. 

“So they can buy you wedding presents,” Freddie had said, almost smirking, and Mo had elbowed him, rolling his eyes. 

So, after that, Auston thinks it’s pretty reasonable that he can’t really face Mitch. They need to talk about this, and Mitch’s face is practically begging him to once he steps out of the shower, but Auston just looks away and hopes Mitch understands that he just – he can’t, right now.

 

Auston walks into the lobby and feels everyone’s eyes on him, so he just looks at his feet and stuffs the hand that’s not currently wheeling his suitcase into his pocket. 

He goes to stand next to Freddie, just so he’s not awkwardly standing by himself, but he barely lifts his head as he says, “Hey.” 

“Morning,” Freddie says. “How’re you feeling?” 

Auston shrugs. “Not the best.” 

Freddie nods, and thankfully stops asking questions. 

 

On the plane, Auston sits next to Freddie, and once he’s buckled in, he doesn’t take off his headphones or look away from the window for the rest of the flight.

He doesn’t want to keep thinking about it, but he can’t stop himself from reliving every embarrassing moment from last night. 

They’d had to literally pry them off of each other, until Marty had come and Mitch had reluctantly let go, but not without making it clear that he intended to not let them be kept apart for very long, which had made Auston feel warm all over, but also kind of… weird, in a bad way, because it hit him that they hadn’t stopped touching since they decided to get married, and he didn’t want to lose their momentum.

“Matty,” Pat said, as Auston stared at Marty and Mitch’s retreating forms, hardly registering Mo and Freddie trailing a few feet behind them. 

“Are you gonna be all dad-like now?” Auston said. 

Patty snorted. “Four kids at home, two on the road.” 

“We’re not actually your children,” Auston said, turning to look at him once Mitch was officially out of sight. “You’re not responsible for us.” 

“I’m still your teammate,” Patty said. “And your pal. Wanna make sure you’re still making good choices.”

“And you don’t think getting married is a good choice?” Auston said. “That’s kinda hypocritical.” 

Patty laughed. “I don’t think it’s really the same thing.” 

“Why not?” Auston asked. “You weren’t that much older than I am now when you got married, right?” 

“I was a good bit older,” Patty said. “And we were sober when we made the choice to get married. We planned it all.” 

“Well, we’re spontaneous,” Auston said. 

“You sure you’re not just impulsive?” Patty said. “Not judging, or anything, just – none of us even knew for sure that you guys were dating, until tonight.” 

It felt like a bucket of ice being poured over his head, and he didn’t really have anything he could’ve said to that, so he just looked at his feet. 

“Matty?” Pat said, a little softer, this time. 

“I just – he wants to  _ marry  _ me.” 

“You’re young,” Patty said. “Give yourselves a little more time, do it when it feels right, not just because you can.” 

“What if he changes his mind?” Auston asked, his voice shaky.

“If you guys are as happy together as you look, it’ll happen when you’re ready,” Patty said. 

Auston shook his head. “He’s gonna change his mind, isn’t he.” There were tears at the corners of his eyes, and if he’d been sober, he would’ve probably been able to blink them back, but he was very not sober, and very sad, very suddenly, so he was kind of powerless to stop them.

“Hey, no,” Patty said, and Auston was – fuck, he must’ve been a mess, if Patty was using the same tone of voice on Auston as he uses on his kids when they’re tired from practice, or stressed about school. 

“Sorry,” Auston said, but he’d let out a sob after. “Sorry, this is dumb.” 

“No, it’s okay,” Patty said. “You and Mitchy are good together.” 

“Don’t say that,” Auston said, and then he sat down on the floor, his back to the wall as he hugged his knees to his chest. 

“You are,” Patty said sitting beside him. “I mean, I don’t know anything besides what I see, but you clearly care a lot about him, and he’s crazy about you.” 

“Stop,” Auston said, squeezing his eyes shut. “Please stop.” 

“What’s wrong?” Patty asked. 

“I–” Auston cut himself off with another sob, and before he could really process it, he said, “I love him, I love him so much, and he wants to marry me, and now everyone’s saying we can’t.” He knew he sounded like a drunken mess as it came out of his mouth, but he was too fucked up to really be embarrassed about. 

“Being in love is scary,” Patty said. “But it’s also pretty great, okay?” 

“No, not–” Auston took a breath and shook his head. “Not like this.” 

“Is it one of those, ‘too much, too fast’ kind of things?” Patty asked. “Do you feel like it’s too soon to tell him?” 

“I can’t tell him at all,” Auston said. “He can’t know.” 

“Why?” Patty asked, and Auston hadn’t even been able to form a response with words, so he just shook his head again and let Patty comfort him as he cried it out. 

 

“Mitchy said you might need a ride,” Zach says, waiting by the stairs as Auston’s the last one to step off the plane. 

Auston doesn’t know whether he’s relieved or disappointed, so he settles on just feeling numb, and kind of shrugs. “I don’t have a car here, so.” 

“I can drive you wherever,” Zach says. 

“Thanks,” Auston says. “Just my place, is fine.” 

“Okay,” Zach says, nodding, and it’s pretty obvious that Zach is only temporarily avoiding the topic of last night, but Auston’s too resigned to really brace himself for it, or think about how he’s gonna handle this. 

To Zach’s credit, he puts on the radio and doesn’t try to make conversation until they’re almost back at Auston’s place, when he turns down the volume and clears his throat. 

“So, uh,” Zach says. “I wasn’t there for most of it, so I only know what Mo sent in the group chat–”

“I haven’t checked it,” Auston says, and he stares out the window, wishing it wasn’t so fucking cold, all of a sudden. 

“Okay,” Zach says. “Uh, sorry, but – I just wanted to ask, about, y’know. You and Mitch.” 

“Don’t worry, we didn’t get married,” Auston says. 

“Okay, that’s – uh, good, then.” Zach gulps. “Just – are you two good, otherwise?” 

“I don’t know how he is, but I’m fine,” Auston says.

“No, I meant–” 

Auston cuts him off. “Don’t.” 

“I know you guys are kind of private about your – I don’t know, your thing, or whatever, but you can still talk to me, if you need to.” 

“What thing?” Auston asks, but it’s barely a question. 

“You – did you guys break up?” Zach asks. 

Auston shakes his head. “No, that’s – it’s not like that.” 

“What do you mean?” Zach asks. 

“We’re not boyfriends,” Auston says. “We’re not – we’ve never dated, or whatever.”

“You mean, like, because you’re not into labels?” Zach asks. 

Auston huffs in frustration. “No, it’s just – we’re not. We’re just friends.” 

There’s a second of silence, and then, “Willy said you guys were–” 

“Willy was drunk,” Auston says. “He saw Mitch on one knee and got the wrong idea, I guess.” 

“Mo said you guys looked like–” 

“I think I’d know better than Mo,” Auston snaps. “And Willy, and anyone else, okay? We’re not boyfriends, or dating, or, like, hooking up, or – whatever. Trust me.” 

“Okay,” Zach says, kind of taken aback. “Sorry I asked.” 

“Whatever,” Auston says, then turns to look out the window again, and he’s gonna apologize in a few seconds, but right now, he’s too hurt, and frustrated, and just flat-out sad to do anything but mope. 

And maybe Auston should’ve said something last night, but the thing is, he hadn’t had the chance, and he’d been so close to making everything okay that his drunken brain hadn’t even thought to correct them.

By the time he’d stopped crying, he’d forgotten why he’d started in the first place, and then Mo had come by to ask if Marty and Mitch could join them, and Auston had nodded. He didn’t know if he looked like he’d been crying, but when Mitch saw him, he didn’t look more than a little worried, just kicked lightly at his feet and gave him a gentle smile. 

“Hey,” he said. 

“Hi,” Auston said, smiling on instinct.

The rest of the guys quickly dispersed, probably figuring the situation was under control, and Mitch helped Auston up, kept holding his hand once he was already standing, and Auston thought that it might’ve been an accident, but then Mitch adjusted his grip. His hand was heavy in Auston’s, but his grip was loose and comfortable. 

Mitch bit his lip. “Maybe we shouldn’t get married tonight.” 

“Probably,” Auston said, and then he laughed, a little. Thinking about not marrying Mitch was easier when Mitch was there, holding his hand. 

“You’re still my favorite person, but Marty said he’d be mad if I got married before him.” 

“Wouldn’t wanna get you on Marty’s bad side,” Auston said. “You’re my favorite person too.” 

Mitch squeezed his hand. “I don’t wanna do something that could fuck things up just because we’re drunk. You’re too important.” 

“So are you,” Auston said, and they’d smiled at each other for a second. 

And it had hit Auston then just how close they’d come to actually getting married, so he laughed, and then Mitch laughed, and then he’d almost lost his grip on Mitch’s hand, but Mitch had held him in place. 

Auston has no right to be mad at anyone for assuming they were together. He doesn’t have the right to be mad at anyone but himself, for being too drunk, and too stupid, and too fucking in love with his best friend to be able to brush off something that should’ve been a joke. 

“Sorry,” he says to Zach. “That was probably unwarranted.” 

“No, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed,” Zach says. 

“It’s fine,” Auston says. 

“Are you?” Zach asks, and Auston shrugs. 

“I will be,” he says, and they end the conversation there.

 

It’s dark out by the time there’s a knock on Auston’s door, but he’s been kind of expecting it all day, because he knows he and Marns need to talk about it, and his phone has been off for the last few hours. 

Mitch looks surprised that Auston answers the door, which is probably fair. “Hi,” he says, looking kind of shell-shocked. 

“Hey,” Auston says. 

“I – I called, but your phone went straight to voicemail,” Mitch says, and his eyes are so wide and blue that Auston has to look away.

“The battery died,” he says, trying to sound nonchalant. 

“Right,” Mitch says. “Well, okay, I – uh, I was worried that you were, like, hurt, or something, which was probably not – whatever.” 

“I’m fine,” Auston says. “Sorry I made you worry.” 

“No, it was so dumb,” Mitch says. “I didn’t know where you were for, like, a few hours, and I freaked. You don’t have to, like, check in with me, or whatever, it was just – I really need to talk to you, but you need space, so I panicked, and assumed the world was ending, and that’s not fair to you, so I’m just gonna–” he starts to move away, and Auston reacts on instinct. 

“No,” he says, fast. “No, don’t go.” 

“You don’t have to talk about it just because I’m here,” Mitch says. 

“I want to,” Auston says, even though he’s not sure he does, really, but he definitely doesn’t want Mitch to leave, so that’s gotta count for something. 

“Are you sure?” Mitch asks. 

“I just – I don’t want things to be weird,” Auston says. 

“Okay, but – it’s kind of a lot, dude.” 

“It doesn’t have to be,” Auston says. “I can move past it if you can.” 

Mitch looks at him, for a second, and he starts to nod, but then he pauses and shakes his head. “No, not – dude, what? Last night–”

“I know what happened last night,” Auston says. 

“Okay, well, that’s not the kind of thing you can just, like, forget,” Mitch says. 

“We were drunk,” Auston says. 

“Dude, you  _ proposed _ ,” Mitch says, and Auston cringes, because that part of the evening – the part that happened half an hour off the strip, back in their hotel room – is not a memory he's quite ready to revisit.

“You proposed first,” Auston says. “It’s not–” 

“That wasn’t the same, and you know it,” Mitch says. “You told me you–” 

“Trust me, I remember what I said, and I really want to forget, okay?” Auston says. 

“Well, I can’t,” Mitch says. “Like, all fucking day, it’s been stuck in my head, just–” 

“I don’t know what I was thinking,” Auston says. 

“It’s just – you can’t just say romantic shit like that and take it back,” Mitch says. “Seriously, that’s not fair to me.” 

“You did the exact same–” 

“You were so serious,” Mitch says, and he looks scared, almost sad.

“I wasn’t,” Auston says. 

Mitch’s face falls, and Auston can practically feel it. “You weren’t,” he repeats. 

“I mean I don’t–” 

“You know, I know we were drunk, but it’s kind of weird to tell a guy you want to spend the rest of your lives together one day, then say you didn’t mean any of it the next.” He’s angry, now, and Auston can see that he’s jumping to all sorts of wrong conclusions.

“That’s not what I’m saying,” Auston says. 

“Then what–” 

“It would’ve been stupid to get married last night,” Auston says. “I just – it would’ve been, duh, but I still really wanted to, and I know that’s just – it’s way too much, and I’m sorry, and I shouldn’t have said anything, but, like, it was Vegas, and New Year’s, and you were–” He cuts himself off, sighs. “I don’t know.”

“I was what?” Mitch asks, a little quieter than Auston is expecting. 

“You’d asked before, and everyone had talked us out of it, but I just thought – it wasn’t even about getting married, really.” 

“So, what was it about?” Mitch says. 

“I mean.” Auston shrugs. “You, I guess.” 

There’s a stretch of silence where Auston can’t even look at Mitch, and it isn’t quite a confession, but it lingers like one, anyway. 

Finally, Auston says, “Okay, it’s – okay. You’re my best friend, right? I don’t want that to change–” 

“It won’t,” Mitch says, and he sounds weird, kind of hoarse. “Or – actually, I don’t know.” 

“You don’t know?” Auston feels kind of sick, but when he looks up, Mitch doesn’t look worried, or disappointed, or disgusted, just – kind of in awe, more than anything else. 

“It depends on what you’re saying,” Mitch says, and there’s this look in his eye, the same one from last night, when he was on one knee. “I – can I–” He reaches out for Auston’s hand, and Auston nods. It’s the same easy grip Mitch had last night, but his palm is kind of sweaty. 

“I’m saying–” Auston says, a little breathless, and then he gulps. “I mean, same as I said last night.” 

“You said a lot of things last night,” Mitch points out with a small grin that Auston can’t help but return.

“There was only one main point,” Auston says, and Mitch giggles, this awesome, overwhelmed thing. 

“So you’re in love with me too,” Mitch says, and like – okay, Auston isn’t really surprised by the ‘too’ part, but it’s still the first time he’s heard it out loud, and his face breaks into what he’s sure is the biggest, dopiest grin possible. 

“Well, I’m definitely in love with you,” he says. 

“Same here,” Mitch says. 

“Glad we cleared that up,” Auston says. 

There’s a beat, and then Mitch says, “So, I’m just gonna–” He leans in.

“Yeah,” Auston laughs, and he’s still kind of smiling when their lips meet, but then they’re kissing. 

They’d kissed last night too, but that was – this is nothing like that. That had only been for a second, and it had felt like a mistake, like – okay, they’d leaned in at the same time, but they’d both been so tentative, lying in bed, not at all sober enough and half-asleep. Only the corners of their mouths had met before they pulled away quickly, and Auston had waited for a response from Mitch, but none came.

This feels like the literal opposite of that, the way Mitch’s mouth is slotting against his, opening easily, and god, his lips are so fucking soft. Last night, Auston knew that kissing Mitch should feel magical, and it hadn’t, but right now – yeah. Magical. Definitely magical, and perfect, and wonderful, and everything Auston had wanted it to be and more. 

“Holy shit,” Mitch says, breaking the kiss. “Holy shit, we’re – I’m so glad we didn’t get married.” 

Auston barks out a laugh, surprised and kind of giddy. “What?” 

“I mean, it would’ve been super awkward. Like, we couldn’t have stayed married, right? Imagine trying to tell someone you’re into them when you’re literally getting divorced.” 

“That’s–” Auston starts, but then he considers it. “Actually, that’s a fair point.” 

“I know,” Mitch says, and then he kisses Auston again. “Boyfriends is good for now, though.” 

“Boyfriends is  _ great  _ for now,” Auston corrects, and Mitch rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling as wide as Auston is.

So, eventually, 2018 gets off to a good start.

**Author's Note:**

> okay someday i'll revisit this but i wanna post it while it's still relevant. i hope there aren't any glaring typos? wrote this all in one day and did v minimal editing (aside from the verb tense stuff, that i made sure was right) but WHATEVER i'll un-anon this eventually
> 
> eta: un-anon'd this lol


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